So, it's been a while. About two months, actually. It's feast or famine around here, I guess. I wish I could attribute my lack of posts to being extraordinarily busy with my booming photography business, my writing project, and my humming social life, but, alas, I cannot tell a lie. That's not to say that I have been doing nothing.....I've just been doing something very similar.
Let me start with the real bummer of the summer: My writing project. I haven't written a single page since January. I was supposed to have a complete novel by the end of the year. That goal is getting further and further out of reach every day. I can't tell you exactly why I stopped working on it... I guess motherhood+trying to get paperwork and marketing together to feel more legit with photography has really consumed all of my creative energy, which, as any "real" writer will tell you, is pure bull excrement. Just ask the guys on the writing forums who have nothing to their name except for five stars for being nosy and bossy on a discussion board. "Writer's block doesn't exist", my ass....
My social life is the pits, but that is an unfortunate side effect of being the breastfeeding "single" mother of a toddler. Especially my toddler, who is a bona fide Momma's Boy. It's nice most of the time. I love being the one he runs to when he's being chased/hurt/bored, and the one he cuddles before he goes to sleep. He is a beautiful, smart boy and I love him dearly.....But if I am gone for more than 30 minutes and he figures out that I am no longer in the room.....Hoooooo boy..... That, plus the fact that I have no reliable babysitters or desirable daycare options really limits what I am able to go out and do. Fortunately, this deployment is coming to an end soon and I will be able to share my parenting responsibilities with my husband.
I suppose the only upside to this post is my photography business. I have the paperwork squared away, and all the equipment I need to get started. I even have 3 sessions lined up for July, which is the most I have had in a single month, but it's still less than I would like to have. Ideally, I would like to do at least 12 sessions a month. I'm sure I will get there eventually. Until then, I can deal with the slow trickle of business. At least it will build my portfolio until the end of the year, when I will begin charging my session fee and become a "real" photographer.
Alex is doing well. He says yes, no, thanks, welcome, dada, mama, dog, and nessa (for Aunt Vanessa). He also communicates his needs pretty well. He seriously amazes me every day with what he knows and what he is learning. He is my heart, and I can't wait until Jesus comes home so that he can experience how wonderful it is to be able to actually play with him!
Long post, lots of rambling. I'm going to try to get back into the swing of things and write more often, but don't quote me on that! :)
Monday, June 27, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Mini-Update!
I can't change world events, but I can change my outlook. I am okay; I am eating/showering/getting dressed and taking care of myself and my favorite little mess-maker. I truly did not mean to worry anyone, although your calls and messages were appreciated. :) I got in touch with Jesus, which works magic on my frazzled nerves, and was able to commiserate with friends, which is always therapeutic. I am very blessed to have such a great support system. Ya'll are the best! :)
Late-Night/Morning Ramblings
I can't sleep. My thoughts are in such a flurry that I can't even enjoy Anchorman, which usually puts me in a good mood within seconds. This is big news for the nation and for the men and women overseas. But as I kept refreshing my Facebook wall and continued to be inundated with the cheers and jeers of my peers, I felt dread trickling down from the top of my head. I wasn't thinking of ways to celebrate; I was thinking of my husband, whose boots are on foreign soil. The troops have always been in danger: As optimistic as I am, I have never managed to entertain the delusion of a "safe" Iraq. With Osama's death, another reality comes into play: Retaliation.
....
It's morning now, and I still have a knot in my stomach. I fed the baby and thought that I would be able to get away with eating something light, like frozen yogurt. 30 minutes later, it's a soupy mess in a bowl that I haven't been able to touch.
I am conflicted, gleeful and terrified, and the worst part is feeling like I have no cause to be either of those things. I am not one of the people who has lost a loved one in this struggle, nor am I the one risking my life everyday. I don't even know what I'm trying to say here.....
I don't want to ramble too long. This isn't about me. Please pray for the men and women in uniform, for their families. Meanwhile, I am going to eat my glop, buck up, and get on with my day. That's the Army way.
....
It's morning now, and I still have a knot in my stomach. I fed the baby and thought that I would be able to get away with eating something light, like frozen yogurt. 30 minutes later, it's a soupy mess in a bowl that I haven't been able to touch.
I am conflicted, gleeful and terrified, and the worst part is feeling like I have no cause to be either of those things. I am not one of the people who has lost a loved one in this struggle, nor am I the one risking my life everyday. I don't even know what I'm trying to say here.....
I don't want to ramble too long. This isn't about me. Please pray for the men and women in uniform, for their families. Meanwhile, I am going to eat my glop, buck up, and get on with my day. That's the Army way.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Happy Easter!
I will admit, of all the holidays during this deployment, I really was not on board with Easter celebrations this year. Sure, I bought a basket, egg dye, and bunny ears, but I just could not get swept into the spirit like I was able to with Thanksgiving and Christmas. The Great Santa Fiasco of 2010 prevented me from spending upwards of $50 to traumatize my child by sitting him on the lap of a giant, big-eyed rabbit. I considered making a big Easter dinner, but I never quite became inspired enough to go to the store. And forget an Easter egg hunt. It's a zoo with all those other kids, and it's just not terribly smart to send a crawler in amidst the madness. Still, I wanted to do something for Alex, so I boiled and colored eggs. I arranged a little basket of his favorite movie series and a cuddly lamb (he is getting more and more fond of stuffed animals). He is too young for me to teach him the true meaning of this day, but I hope the excitement of celebrating carries over to his understanding and cherishing of this day later in life. Happy Easter everybody!
Friday, April 22, 2011
The Birds and the Bees
Spring is in full bloom at our house. Grass blades (and weeds) are springing up vibrant green, roses are blossoming, and fruit is already budding on the trees. It is lovely, but bittersweet knowing that Jesus won't be here for the year's first "harvest". If it didn't get sweltering hot during the day, I wouldn't mind spending all of my time outside while Alex explores. Goodness knows he loves the dirt and bugs.
I can't really lay all the blame with the heat and humidity. There are a couple of other obstacles inhibiting me: the birds and the bees.
I run a pretty tight ship when it comes to pest control. When I see a wasp's nest, I have it taken care of immediately, usually by way of modified flamethrower. Cockroaches and tiny brown spiders are stomped on sight (right after I have a mini-anxiety attack). Most other little bugs and geckos are ushered out the door. I do not like intruders of any kind, no matter how small and/or harmless. However, when it comes to the bird's nest above our front door and the beehive beneath our shed, I find my resolve weakened. In the case of the birds, who built a nest within a day, I am hesitant to to destroy what is essentially a baby bird's bassinet. It's silly and sappy, I know, but it bugs me to think that, in the act of taking it down, I may drop the eggs and feel like a jerk baby bird killer.
We have a fairly symbiotic relationship with the bees. We provide them with shelter and don't kill them, and in return they pollinate our fruit trees and fig bushes. I'm talking crazy insane pollination. Our apple tree has several dozen blossoms this year, whereas in the years past it had only a few. It makes me nervous to let Alex roam in the backyard with a cloud of bees buzzing about doing their thing, but I don't have enough compelling reasons to get rid of the hive. Now, if one buzzes into our house, it's as good as dead, but that rarely happens.
Spring is wonderful. Nature is wonderful. I just wish I didn't have to dodge the wonders of nature the second I walk out my front door.
I can't really lay all the blame with the heat and humidity. There are a couple of other obstacles inhibiting me: the birds and the bees.
I run a pretty tight ship when it comes to pest control. When I see a wasp's nest, I have it taken care of immediately, usually by way of modified flamethrower. Cockroaches and tiny brown spiders are stomped on sight (right after I have a mini-anxiety attack). Most other little bugs and geckos are ushered out the door. I do not like intruders of any kind, no matter how small and/or harmless. However, when it comes to the bird's nest above our front door and the beehive beneath our shed, I find my resolve weakened. In the case of the birds, who built a nest within a day, I am hesitant to to destroy what is essentially a baby bird's bassinet. It's silly and sappy, I know, but it bugs me to think that, in the act of taking it down, I may drop the eggs and feel like a jerk baby bird killer.
We have a fairly symbiotic relationship with the bees. We provide them with shelter and don't kill them, and in return they pollinate our fruit trees and fig bushes. I'm talking crazy insane pollination. Our apple tree has several dozen blossoms this year, whereas in the years past it had only a few. It makes me nervous to let Alex roam in the backyard with a cloud of bees buzzing about doing their thing, but I don't have enough compelling reasons to get rid of the hive. Now, if one buzzes into our house, it's as good as dead, but that rarely happens.
Spring is wonderful. Nature is wonderful. I just wish I didn't have to dodge the wonders of nature the second I walk out my front door.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tried Out Cry-It-Out......
...It's not for us.
For the longest time, I have been waking up at 8 AM, pretty much on the dot. This is usually because Alex is already awake and babbling in a very animated fashion. Or climbing all over me like a jungle gym. Or just generally poking and prodding his lazybones mommy to get the heck up already. About a week ago, I resolved to set my alarm for 7 AM so that I might be able to squeeze in some chores, writing, something in before my little angel woke up. So far, that plan is a non-starter. It probably has something to do with the fact that I almost never get into bed before midnight. But probably my biggest issue is that, when the alarm goes off, Alex is instantly alert and ready to start the day. Unlike his mother....
Yes, Alex still sleeps in our bed. I understand that the thought of a (nearly) 15-month-old toddler sleeping in the same bed with his parents strikes others as strange/dangerous, but there has never been a very compelling reason to change anything. If anything, there was always a reason to keep him there. At first, it was because I was nursing, and it was just more convenient to have our newborn within arm's reach during those long nights when he woke up for night feedings. Actually, come to think of it, that may have been the only thing that kept him there, as I am still nursing and he still wakes twice a night to feed.
Then Jesus came home for R&R. We quickly realized that three bodies in a Queen-sized bed does not a cozy night's sleep make. Alex needs to be comfortable in his own bed, so that when Jesus does eventually come home there is no competition for mattress space. Unfortunately, as the only parent currently serving as his caretaker, the task of sleep training our dear child falls to me. And, boy, is it hell.
"Sleep training"....The phrase itself leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I know it is necessary for him to learn to fall asleep on his own, but does it needs to sound like I am putting him through Baby Obedience School? Frankly, I would rather just get a King-sized bed and put it off for another year or two, but that in not a very economical option.
...Anyway, it is harder than one would think. Especially for Alex, who is a huge cuddle bug and can't stand to be alone. I tried to do the Ferber method, and quickly abandoned it after the first 5 minutes because Alex cried so loud he got hoarse, and so hard that he started gagging. Right now, I am doing a modified Sear's method: Rocking him until he is calm, then putting him in the crib and repeating as necessary until he falls asleep. It takes a long time. A very long time. But he does not cry nearly as hard if I am right by his side. I have done it a grand total of one time (today's noon nap), and I plan to keep at it until he is accustomed to our new sleeping arrangements. I am likely going to spend several long nights on an air mattress on the floor of the nursery.
For the longest time, I have been waking up at 8 AM, pretty much on the dot. This is usually because Alex is already awake and babbling in a very animated fashion. Or climbing all over me like a jungle gym. Or just generally poking and prodding his lazybones mommy to get the heck up already. About a week ago, I resolved to set my alarm for 7 AM so that I might be able to squeeze in some chores, writing, something in before my little angel woke up. So far, that plan is a non-starter. It probably has something to do with the fact that I almost never get into bed before midnight. But probably my biggest issue is that, when the alarm goes off, Alex is instantly alert and ready to start the day. Unlike his mother....
Yes, Alex still sleeps in our bed. I understand that the thought of a (nearly) 15-month-old toddler sleeping in the same bed with his parents strikes others as strange/dangerous, but there has never been a very compelling reason to change anything. If anything, there was always a reason to keep him there. At first, it was because I was nursing, and it was just more convenient to have our newborn within arm's reach during those long nights when he woke up for night feedings. Actually, come to think of it, that may have been the only thing that kept him there, as I am still nursing and he still wakes twice a night to feed.
Then Jesus came home for R&R. We quickly realized that three bodies in a Queen-sized bed does not a cozy night's sleep make. Alex needs to be comfortable in his own bed, so that when Jesus does eventually come home there is no competition for mattress space. Unfortunately, as the only parent currently serving as his caretaker, the task of sleep training our dear child falls to me. And, boy, is it hell.
"Sleep training"....The phrase itself leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I know it is necessary for him to learn to fall asleep on his own, but does it needs to sound like I am putting him through Baby Obedience School? Frankly, I would rather just get a King-sized bed and put it off for another year or two, but that in not a very economical option.
...Anyway, it is harder than one would think. Especially for Alex, who is a huge cuddle bug and can't stand to be alone. I tried to do the Ferber method, and quickly abandoned it after the first 5 minutes because Alex cried so loud he got hoarse, and so hard that he started gagging. Right now, I am doing a modified Sear's method: Rocking him until he is calm, then putting him in the crib and repeating as necessary until he falls asleep. It takes a long time. A very long time. But he does not cry nearly as hard if I am right by his side. I have done it a grand total of one time (today's noon nap), and I plan to keep at it until he is accustomed to our new sleeping arrangements. I am likely going to spend several long nights on an air mattress on the floor of the nursery.
Monday, April 18, 2011
What The Eff Studio Ghibli?? (*Ponyo Kinda-Spoilers*)
Let me start off by saying I am a big Studio Ghibli fan. I first fell in love when I watched Princess Mononoke. Spirited Away was fantastic, Howl's Moving Castle phenomenal, and Kiki's Delivery Service was adorable. When I finally got around to watching Castle in the Sky, I was convinced that Studio Ghibli had made some sort of pact with the devil. How else would they be able to come out with such beautiful, endearing works of art? So I think it is understandable that, when I popped Ponyo into the DVD player after an hour of trying to put the baby to sleep, I was expecting to lose myself in a world of magic, wonder, and fabulous execution.
Yeah. Not so much.
Now, the film was beautiful. The character design was a little bizarre at times, but that's par for the course with Studio Ghibli animation. The music was lovely, and the voice acting was superb. In fact, Tina Fey voicing Sosuke's mother was one of the only things that redeemed her character in my eyes (shallow, I know, but I love Tina Fey!). I wanted to love this movie, I really did. There was just one little problem.
It didn't make sense. Or, I should say, the pacing is atrocious. Nothing made sense to me until near the end, and even after the credits rolled, I was still scratching my head about some aspects of the story.
I think what really got to me was the reckless child endangerment present throughout the entire film. Sosuke's mother, while driving 50 mph down a narrow winding road, actually leans over to eat some of her son's ice cream cone while she dodges oncoming cars. Um. Then, most disturbing of all, she insists on driving home during a dangerous storm and then proceeds to abandon her child! Um?? It reminds me of the stories I used to write back in middle school. I killed off the parents because it was simply too inconvenient to incorporate reasonable adults into a child's limitless fantasy world. To an extent, I understand. But. He's. Five. At least in Princess Mononoke she was being raised by wolves after being abandoned (or her parents were killed...I can't remember). Sosuke had to navigate ridiculously flooded streets with only a neurotic little fish person to help him. Maybe I'm just more sensitive because I'm a mother now.
Overall, it is a cute story of childhood love. It's just so bogged down with irresponsible characters and a convoluted plot that it is difficult to really sit back and enjoy what should really be a simple and sweet journey.
UPDATE: Watching the movie today with Alex, it makes a whole lot more sense because I already know what's happening. But the logic of those elixirs, that well, and the motivation of the father continue to elude me. So, good on a second watch-though, but still not as great as previous films.
Yeah. Not so much.
Now, the film was beautiful. The character design was a little bizarre at times, but that's par for the course with Studio Ghibli animation. The music was lovely, and the voice acting was superb. In fact, Tina Fey voicing Sosuke's mother was one of the only things that redeemed her character in my eyes (shallow, I know, but I love Tina Fey!). I wanted to love this movie, I really did. There was just one little problem.
It didn't make sense. Or, I should say, the pacing is atrocious. Nothing made sense to me until near the end, and even after the credits rolled, I was still scratching my head about some aspects of the story.
I think what really got to me was the reckless child endangerment present throughout the entire film. Sosuke's mother, while driving 50 mph down a narrow winding road, actually leans over to eat some of her son's ice cream cone while she dodges oncoming cars. Um. Then, most disturbing of all, she insists on driving home during a dangerous storm and then proceeds to abandon her child! Um?? It reminds me of the stories I used to write back in middle school. I killed off the parents because it was simply too inconvenient to incorporate reasonable adults into a child's limitless fantasy world. To an extent, I understand. But. He's. Five. At least in Princess Mononoke she was being raised by wolves after being abandoned (or her parents were killed...I can't remember). Sosuke had to navigate ridiculously flooded streets with only a neurotic little fish person to help him. Maybe I'm just more sensitive because I'm a mother now.
Overall, it is a cute story of childhood love. It's just so bogged down with irresponsible characters and a convoluted plot that it is difficult to really sit back and enjoy what should really be a simple and sweet journey.
UPDATE: Watching the movie today with Alex, it makes a whole lot more sense because I already know what's happening. But the logic of those elixirs, that well, and the motivation of the father continue to elude me. So, good on a second watch-though, but still not as great as previous films.
