My New Job

I had been unhappy with my job of late. It wasn't so much the intensive physical strain of dozens of heavy boxes and buckets, nor the mental strain of prissy clients and entitled coworkers who, for some reason, find it unreasonable for us to expect them to do their jobs. I'm made of tougher stuff than that. I think the final straw, really, was my actual job being yanked out from under me as my pregnancy progressed. There's nothing like being poo-pooed because of a temporary inability to unload a few trucks. It's discrimination, pure and simple, and I certainly wasn't making enough money to put up with it.

As anyone who lives in Killeen knows, the job market is generally open for low-paying entry-levels jobs or medical positions; there's not much in the way of a middle ground. Once in a long while a golden opportunity presents itself, usually right after I've acquired a sub-par position and feel obligated to be faithful to said position. Big mistake on my part, and not one I am likely to repeat. Maybe someday soon, another beacon will come to be.

Until then....I'm a stay-at-home momma. Yup. It has come to that. Don't get me wrong: I love being the primary caregiver for our little one. I love being able to feed him whenever he's hungry, cook dinner for my family, and keep up (the best I can) with housekeeping. I get to see all the big milestones. This is a dream job for lots of women. Yet I feel guilty. Why?

I may have something to do with the way I'm wired. I was raised to work hard for what I have, to pull my own weight and contribute to the well-being of myself as well as others, and now...Well, it's hard to not feel like a bum when you're glued to the couch for about 6 hours a day to feed your child. But, ultimately, it didn't make sense for me to go back to work. With my position changed and cut hours looming, we would have ended up paying more for daycare, formula (in the event of drying up), and various fees and expenses than I would even make in a month. I would be working just to put my baby in daycare; I'm not all about that. So we're a one paycheck family for now. We've already seen some improvement in finances with some basic planning and budgeting, so I'm hoping to contribute in that way.