Le Sigh

We have a date for the deployment at last. The planner in me should be happy to have something to write down in my oh-so-full (sarcasm, in case you can't tell) schedule. It gives me a time line to get everything in order and prepare family activities. Then there's, of course, the sappy, emotional, weepy center that thinks "Crap, this is coming up too fast."

I'm not concerned with the state of our relationship. We're solid. We had some pretty good long-distance practice while Jesus was at West Point. If we've been through it before, we can get through it again. I'm probably at an advantage, as I knew what to expect from the military life going in. Still, he's my husband and my best friend, and it is going to suck. I will probably cry, which I hardly ever do, and I will probably do it in public, which I despise. Red and scrunched up is not cute on me like it is on Alex. I know myself well enough to know that I'm going to fight it tooth and nail, regardless of its inevitability.

I have been taking as many pictures of Jesus and Alex as possible. I plan to put those in an album for Alex to look at once he can flip through pages. We also got a Daddy Doll from CYSS to put a picture of his face in, so he can cuddle up with "daddy" when he takes his naps. None of these are a substitute for the real thing, but they're better than nothing. The most I can do is be there for our son and keep his memory of his father as strong as possible until he returns.

In the meantime, I am attempting to fill my days during the deployment with activities. So far, I am digging into my writing project with increased fervor, getting involved with a friend's feature film, and scheduling walks/events for various causes that I have neglected in the past. I am also planning on returning to school and getting more into photography. If all goes off without a hitch, it's going to be a busy year. That's just the way I like it.