We have a date for the deployment at last. The planner in me should be happy to have something to write down in my oh-so-full (sarcasm, in case you can't tell) schedule. It gives me a time line to get everything in order and prepare family activities. Then there's, of course, the sappy, emotional, weepy center that thinks "Crap, this is coming up too fast."
I'm not concerned with the state of our relationship. We're solid. We had some pretty good long-distance practice while Jesus was at West Point. If we've been through it before, we can get through it again. I'm probably at an advantage, as I knew what to expect from the military life going in. Still, he's my husband and my best friend, and it is going to suck. I will probably cry, which I hardly ever do, and I will probably do it in public, which I despise. Red and scrunched up is not cute on me like it is on Alex. I know myself well enough to know that I'm going to fight it tooth and nail, regardless of its inevitability.
I have been taking as many pictures of Jesus and Alex as possible. I plan to put those in an album for Alex to look at once he can flip through pages. We also got a Daddy Doll from CYSS to put a picture of his face in, so he can cuddle up with "daddy" when he takes his naps. None of these are a substitute for the real thing, but they're better than nothing. The most I can do is be there for our son and keep his memory of his father as strong as possible until he returns.
In the meantime, I am attempting to fill my days during the deployment with activities. So far, I am digging into my writing project with increased fervor, getting involved with a friend's feature film, and scheduling walks/events for various causes that I have neglected in the past. I am also planning on returning to school and getting more into photography. If all goes off without a hitch, it's going to be a busy year. That's just the way I like it.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Monday, July 12, 2010
July, You Came So Quickly!
Let me start this blog by giving myself a big pat on the back. I have become the Queen of Poop-y Clothing Hand Washing. That's right. If you had asked me before I had a baby to wash a stain from an article of clothing, I would have asked you very politely if you were off your head. I may be a Culinary Wizard (haha, of some caliber), but I am definitely not Susie Housekeeper. Don't even ask how long it's been since I've completely mopped the floors. Ugh. But I have saved about 6 articles of clothing from the "yellow stain of death", so I'm feeling pretty accomplished. He's going to be in those 6-12 month clothes for a while (I hope), so I need to keep them looking presentable!
It's been a long time since my last update. Working on the writing challenge, squeezing the life out of every second of family time before Jesus deploys, trying to maintain a social life, and keeping a watchful eye on my increasingly mobile baby interrupts things a bit.
Ah, Alex. There have been many adventures with Alex. He is beginning to discover the world around him: The colors, the textures, the sounds. He loves to explore and manipulate his environment. Toys are holding his attention longer. He has already discovered the "Fetch" game, where he looks straight at me and drops his toy to the ground for me to retrieve and return to him to drop several more times. He now rolls both ways and scoots backwards, which, after much Googling and Babyzone querying, I discovered is another step toward crawling. Which means another step toward my having to mop the floors everyday. Boo and yay. He's a few solids everyday, veggies mostly. He's not a fan of fruit, which is weird since Jesus and I have massive sweet teeth. He plays with a sippy cup. We don't fill it with anything yet even though I know I should.
There have been a couple of "Oh Crap" moments. I am very much into attachment parenting, so I carry/wear the baby wherever I can, take him to most places with me, comfort nurse, co-sleep and bed share, and do not now or plan to ever use CIO (cry it out) methods. I respect everyone's parenting decisions, these are just the ones that I use with my child and that work for us. That said, Alex fell off the bed one night. I usually pull the bassinet to the side of the bed to prevent falls, but I didn't that night, which was the night he decided to roll over in his sleep. My blood ran cold when I heard him hit the ground. I jumped to my feet and scooped him up as he realized what had happening and began screaming. He was mostly scared, no bruises or scratches or knots or lethargy in the days that followed; I gave him some Tylenol to ward off any potential aches and pains and he was smiling and playing and completely back to normal when the sun came up. But the strangest thing was, when it happened, I was consumed with an eerie calm. I had never been so level-headed and unemotional in my whole life. It was a strange feeling. The second oopsie was a little car seat issue. As in, it was in position in my car, but not strapped in, and I didn't realize it until I was back home from running errands. It didn't move, but the potential for disaster was there, which made me feel just as awful.
My husband would likely advise me not to share these things, but I think a major problem with parenting these days is the judgment and lack of support amongst adults. Everyone makes mistakes; nobody is a perfect parent. I think it's important that we share and learn from one another to better prevent such occurrences in the future, rather than judge or hold back in shame and fear of judgment. I love my son, and would never allow anything to harm him, but sometimes not-so-great things happen no matter how prepared you think you are, and I think it does a great disservice to myself and others to pretend like I'm infallible. I am pretty darn good, though. ;)
It's been a long time since my last update. Working on the writing challenge, squeezing the life out of every second of family time before Jesus deploys, trying to maintain a social life, and keeping a watchful eye on my increasingly mobile baby interrupts things a bit.
Ah, Alex. There have been many adventures with Alex. He is beginning to discover the world around him: The colors, the textures, the sounds. He loves to explore and manipulate his environment. Toys are holding his attention longer. He has already discovered the "Fetch" game, where he looks straight at me and drops his toy to the ground for me to retrieve and return to him to drop several more times. He now rolls both ways and scoots backwards, which, after much Googling and Babyzone querying, I discovered is another step toward crawling. Which means another step toward my having to mop the floors everyday. Boo and yay. He's a few solids everyday, veggies mostly. He's not a fan of fruit, which is weird since Jesus and I have massive sweet teeth. He plays with a sippy cup. We don't fill it with anything yet even though I know I should.
There have been a couple of "Oh Crap" moments. I am very much into attachment parenting, so I carry/wear the baby wherever I can, take him to most places with me, comfort nurse, co-sleep and bed share, and do not now or plan to ever use CIO (cry it out) methods. I respect everyone's parenting decisions, these are just the ones that I use with my child and that work for us. That said, Alex fell off the bed one night. I usually pull the bassinet to the side of the bed to prevent falls, but I didn't that night, which was the night he decided to roll over in his sleep. My blood ran cold when I heard him hit the ground. I jumped to my feet and scooped him up as he realized what had happening and began screaming. He was mostly scared, no bruises or scratches or knots or lethargy in the days that followed; I gave him some Tylenol to ward off any potential aches and pains and he was smiling and playing and completely back to normal when the sun came up. But the strangest thing was, when it happened, I was consumed with an eerie calm. I had never been so level-headed and unemotional in my whole life. It was a strange feeling. The second oopsie was a little car seat issue. As in, it was in position in my car, but not strapped in, and I didn't realize it until I was back home from running errands. It didn't move, but the potential for disaster was there, which made me feel just as awful.
My husband would likely advise me not to share these things, but I think a major problem with parenting these days is the judgment and lack of support amongst adults. Everyone makes mistakes; nobody is a perfect parent. I think it's important that we share and learn from one another to better prevent such occurrences in the future, rather than judge or hold back in shame and fear of judgment. I love my son, and would never allow anything to harm him, but sometimes not-so-great things happen no matter how prepared you think you are, and I think it does a great disservice to myself and others to pretend like I'm infallible. I am pretty darn good, though. ;)
